2007 - Let It Go and Let's Go

As I awake I feel refreshed, refocused and reborn. This is going to be long-winded but PLEASE HERE ME OUT. 2006 is finally over and now it is the year that my life I feel has come full circle. It's been 10 years since the "Emortul" idea was started. In 10 years we went from banging on my mother's kitchen table, tapping our lyrics over industry instrumentals with a cassette recorder (damn we was actually on some mixtape shit 10 years ago and didn't even know it - we could have been the pioneers of it had we thought to put out all of those hundred plus songs we had) - now were making original beats, releasing cds, doing shows and making our dreams come true. Problem is that the original members are no longer here for various reasons. To take the grown approach to the situation (because the past 10 years has shown a kiddy mentality from all of us - myself included) I'd like to explain why.

Que was always the wild one, quick to get everybody crunk about any and everything. He was down with us but he always was really into the solo thing and wanted to move forward fast no matter what the costs - hell he was hungry and you couldn't blame him but he had no value for how he made it so he ran and joined the quickest thing moving - DSR. Luckily for him it finally worked out after 2-3 years independently they (well mostly because of his solo success) went on to sign a mutli-million dollar deal - go head my nigga.

B was pretty much the one in the group who connected all of us together see he grew up with Que, was my best friend, and since Jou was down with me - B immediately forged a brotherhood with Jou. B left because he had to leave the city behind problems with females and some personals at home. We thought it was a temporary deal but he ended up staying - now going on 5-6 years. He's still into the whole "Emortul" brethren and what we believed in but he's begun a new life and again you can't hate him for that.

Jou was the baby but he had the attitude and personality of a leader. He was always the first to jump out and say something in a situation, first to smile for the camera or holla at the women we was after (they loved the dark ass nigga and he had a way of saying some "easy shit" to a female to get her to believe anything). He was second in command if you look at it. Jou's gon because..nah as many times as he's vaguely explained I guess I don't really know why he left. I've always thought it was because he wanted to do his solo thing and not follow anyone else, or because other niggas had pumped him up to think he was supreme and no one was better than he, hell I even thought he was jealous because he was always been looked at as my shadow and not my equal. Thinking back on it with new eyes I don't think any of those reasons are really true. When Jou went off to college it was at a real troublesome time in his life, his mom and he were arguing (to the point she kicked him out and started living with me), his brother Chris was in the Navy and never around, his father wasn't really being a father to him plus he stayed out of town and never really saw him, his step-dad was on some bull-shit bucking with his family and a little while after he was in school his grandfather died (god rest his soul because that was true OHIO of a "real man"). Something happened as well when he was down there and I really think that even set Jou off to turn his back on the world, his family, emortul, his friends and ultimately on himself. He was filled with so much hate, his confidence turned to arrogance and it was all about Jou.

Me, I was the leader though I never wanted to be. I was the quiet dude who keep everybody in line and made sure everyone was looked after. I did whatever I could to keep the group together. My house was the place you could go to to get away, I found us a producer and studio to record at, I handled all of the business for the group, I made sure all of my niggas graduated and stayed out of trouble - when I could but them fools were off the chain in they days. I'm still repping what we started but I have to admit it's great and at this point I filled accomplished but it's not 100% gratifying because my niggas aint here to share the feeling with me.

I've made diss tracks in regards to Jou and almost about every person who has lied, cheated, sabotaged or turned their back on "Emortul" and me personally because I love this and it means the world to me to have what we had in the beginning. SO much that I've done just about everything I could to keep it afloat but now it's time to let go of my "keep everybody together" mentality because it has ruined relationships/friendships/music partnerships/etc. I apologize to each and every one of you simply because I should have just let you go and not tried to "fix it" or "save it" to keep us as one - had I just said good-bye we may have still been on good terms or even friends because pushing the situation got the real feelings out in the open which eventually turned into the hate and war. Yeah not exposing how people really felt would have not shown people's true agendas but it would have stopped all the hurt and hard times that came from "the truth".

So with a New Year upon us, I've said what I've said about all my emotions and thoughts on my album, most of the real people had expressed their feeling (bad and good) in song or conversation - now it's time to let it go and move forward without each other. All of you who read this that I've dealt with are great people in you own respects (even Jou - most of all Jou) but we are not meant to be in each other lives and it is what it is - no matter how much we wish it was different (you may not want to acknowledge that Jou but you do believe it - I if no one else knows that). I can recall points over the last few years that I said I'm threw with the beefs and bad blood - those time I completely forgot about all those "old people and rivals". I felt the best I'd ever had and I got more things done than I ever have because my focus and energy was positive and not geared towards spreading negative energy on retaliating or trying to figure out why people were throwing shots at me. That's why I feel like if it wasn't meant to be then let it go. I see that when I don't have them in my mind or no ones is telling me about them or they are taking a break from coming at m or even when I ignore their ignorance - I prosper. What's sad is that I don't think any of my people prospered because they never could let go (even for a brief moment). People kept their hate like I did but didn't put it aside even long enough to focus on their won lives and that is what will ultimately destroy some of them. All of ya'll are talented beyond words because if you weren't I never would have wanted you around or tired to keep you around. I've never said any of you couldn't do big things or couldn't lead or didn't have talent (sing, rap, write, produce, had a business skill, etc.) - but I did say that you standards had lowered and I didn't like the music you're doing now or the way you were living as a result of it. I know all of ya'll can be better and achieve anything - what I don't know is why ya'll are quick to say I can't (Smooth can't lead, can't rap, can't sing, can't write). How quick you forget who wrote for you, who handled biz for you, who you were in a group with, who you followed, who you leaned on in hard time and celebrated with in good. I'm talented and I'm real too - if I truly wasn't then why were you by side as long as you were. This aint just for Jou either - it goes to all those who say they hate me right now.

So 2007 is here, I'm focused and I'm bout to complete the dream we had 10 years ago with or without my people (old and new) because it's time we saw this "emortul" thing become a true reality. Best wishes to all of you but let's try not to cross each other and let each other do our own thing (REALLY) so no more hate and no prosperity will occur for any for us. Call me a hoe for what I say or stupid for saying but it's the truth and sometime the truth hurts. So LET IT GO and LET'S GO.